Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
