I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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