the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
