I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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