and you said cock pushups were impossible
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
