i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
