from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
