hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
