Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
