Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
