i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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