I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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