I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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