There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
