I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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