i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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