dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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