He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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