Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
