we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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