sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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