I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
