saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
