Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
