Whoa Z and x make the same sound
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
