you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
