wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
