what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
