I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dignity is for republicans.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
