i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
