Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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