i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
