naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
