Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
