Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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