I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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