I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
