This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
