My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
