i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
