I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
