I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
