Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
