the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
