I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
