When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
