i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
