i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
