You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
