Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God, I missed his penis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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