they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
