I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
