Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
