So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
