Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
