I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
